February 2005

dentist

08:09 2/23/2005

Dentistry hurts. Yes, yes it still hurts. Ok, once I had a dentist who didn't make me cry in pain putting in the painkiller needles. She moved on. ~sigh~ It kinda sucks having rotating dentists. Someone else every year. I go to a clinic in a teaching hospital. It's not that much cheaper than regular dentists but they will at least let me pay in installments if I have to, so I keep going there instead of trying to find a dentist I can develop a relationship with. I was going to chase the gentle one to her new practice but it is 4 hours drive out of town and I really can't afford that nor work out the schedule. So yesterday I spent 2 hours suffering for my teeth. My jaw still hurts. They usually only do one sector at a time when you go in, possibly two, I had 3 done all at once. My entire lower jaw/lip were frozen, plus one side of my upper face. Where the needles went in are still bruised and sore. These were pretty minor cavities but now I won't have to worry about them growing and one turned out bigger and closer to the root than expected so if I'd waited on that one I could have wound up with a rotted tooth, the thing to avoid.

smart bird

10:55 2/18/2005

Petey has demonstrated his intelligence to me and I'm impressed! At night when I turn out the lights I like to make sure he's in a comfy place to sleep. I don't want him sitting in his dish of old food or clinging to the side of the cage or something. Birds can't see in the dark so he's unlikely to move to a comfy spot after lights out. Later when he knows the cage well he'll be more comfy doing that, but not yet. So I would try and herd him to his fave perch with my fingers. The trick there is to avoid panicking him, not to get him to budge... Well the last time I'd decided to teach him the phrase "to your perch" so that we could bypass the herding when he learned it. I repeated it over and over in a command tone and when he finally made it to the perch, repeated it over and over with "good boy" in a pleased tone and gave him a little sunflower seed as a reward. Usually with a dog it takes between 3 and a dozen sessions, depending on the animals intelligence and willingness to learn. I was working with a flighty, frightened stranger here. Rabbits can take up to 2 months of daily sessions to learn a command. They're sweet, but hare-brained.

Last night Petey blew me away. I gave him the command, he immediately looked and leaned toward the designated location in the cage and started trying to think a way to get there. I had to keep telling him a few times to urge him and once I wiggled my finger at him to say "hey, I could herd you if you like" to overcome his reluctance to move. He's always afraid to move when he's scared and he's usually scared when I approach. I didn't at any time have to teach him what I meant though, he knew right away, from a single session!

Sarah is the smartest dog I ever trained and even she needs at least 3 rounds to remember a command of any kind! Petey is going to be a pretty fun friend I think, once we get the trust factor worked out. I dread having to do vet things with him. I wonder if maybe the secret violation he suffered that the breeder wouldn't say is that he accidentally lost that missing toe end during a toenail cutting? That would sure cause his fear of hands.

rest

07:46 2/13/2005

Ah lovely day off, just lovely. I did my sunday work at the theatre yesterday earning me this lovely day of rest! It's been such a treat to have a large slow breakfast then a couple leisurely cups of tea, watch some movies. Ahhhhh, nowhere to go till another sleep passes me by!

I do have to remember first thing monday morning to call the controller at work about my lost paycheck. Flew out of my pocket yesterday. I don't expect anyone can cash it without looking dodgy as I had it filled out with my account number and "deposit to" so it would be pretty hard for them to use. Still, wouldn't it be lovely if they used the info on it to contact me and say they'd found it? Don't you wish folks would do that? Wouldn't you do that? I know I would. It's a shame the world doesn't stand up to the ideals it espouses.

psycho driver

10:50 2/12/2005

Some shithead in a red sports car was driving down Montreal Ave (first street on my paper route) over and over and over. Like some kinda psycho stalker. He noticed that I noticed so he decided to start terrorizing me on his runs. He swerved at me one time and then after that I ensureed that my bike was always tucked behind a snow pile or parked car and took care with crossing. One time he came up the street and observed me tucked in like that so he drove up ahead of the truck behind which I hid and parked, turned off his lights. I couldn't hear the engine over my headset so I didn't know if he had the engine off. After I'd fiddled with a couple things in the trailer (during which he did his park thing) I decided not to stand there like a chickenshit but to just deliberately proceed on my route. As I advanced he drove off slowly with his lights still off and around the corner then around the next corner. Back on his route round and round again. I really cannot imagine what he was up to. Stalking someone I am sure. I boogied to my next couple houses and got myself tucked up the next side street before his next pass. I spent the rest of the route worrying about whether he was going to come following me and parking with care behind snow piles and cars. Not fun.

Petey just had a total freak out when a pair of men approached my house to sell something to me. I don't know what, religion or goods or charity, because I cracked the door open a little and called out "No" and smiled and they smiled and left. Petey, however, just had a shrieking panicking fit that didn't stop till I had him moved to the far corner of the room with a nice dark blanket over most of his cage and just a small area for him to look out. Poor nervous bird. Maybe he hasn't been abused or anything but is just a lot like sarah, naturally nervous and panicky. That could explain why he'd never been sold in the first place. I hope so in fact because it's a lot easier to inspire confidence and courage than to overcome the damage from abuse.

tips

03:32 2/10/2005

Just how badly do other carriers do their job anyway? I just deliver the stupid things and I'm being told I am doing a good job and now a customer wants to reward me, has left “a little something” in his mailbox and called the company to tell me to watch for it. Weird. I'm not doing anything special, how can my work be so good? What are other carriers doing so badly that I look good?

still tired

12:59 2/9/2005

Took a 4 hour nap yesterday when I got home from the paper route and woke up feeling more refreshed than I have in ages. What a huge difference it made. Naps haven't ever had that result for me before. I was impressed. My doctor said Im still low on iron so I'm trying taking it daily but I dunno how well that will work. I question it since I'm still generally too tired. I'm trying to make time for napping after work in the mornings to see how much it helps. Petey still acts like somebody did him something wrong, terrified of my hands. Still we're making slow progress and I take heart from Flora's friendly affection these 2 years since she was first here and utterly feral. She's become a good friend with me now. I did let petey bite my finger ever so lightly. I let him know it hurt but didn't respond with anger so he knows he can hurt me but it doesn't mean I'll hurt him back. That's important winning trust. He sure likes the food I offer.

Today is a busy one with laundry runs, soup making, regular chores. I'd like to get out and do a little yard work clearing some more snow but I dunno how reasonable that is. I'm probably too tired. Maybe tomorrow or another day.

tired

11:48 2/7/2005

So tired. I hope my body catches up to demands soon. It should really. I'm feeding it well enough with extra vitamins and trying to provide enough rest.

Petey is calming down but still afraid of me. He fears my hands the most. Sure is strange for a bird who was hand raised! I find it hard to believe a year or so of being ignored could revert him so much. I wonder what I wasn't told about his history. He's eating a piece of cheese right now.

The cold bites through my leggings and gloves, claws at the surface of my coat, scratches around my scarves and sends razors down my throat with each breath I take. I thought of that this morning on my way out to deliver papers. It got really cold, -25C, so I could really feel it.

mnemonic

04:16 2/7/2005

This is just here to help me remember.

guy> I got a whole slew of mpg files I wanna stitch into one...got a proggie to that??

dude> yeah use tmpgenc

guy> Cool, thanx

dude> then from file menu choose mpeg tools

dude> then choose Merge/Cut tab

dude> or if ya just wanna merge them onto like a vcd/svcd

dude> i would use vcd easy

dude> http://www.tmpgenc.net/e_main.html

dude> it is free

guy> Hmm...it tells me the files are not mpegs

guy> file ext is mpg

dude> mpeg1 or mpeg2 ?

guy> *shrug*

guy> dunno anything about that stuff

guy> How would I find out what it is?

dude> ummmmm could use gspot codec information appliance

dude> http://www.headbands.com/gspot/

Yesterday I finally got the most of the shovelling done. Got help with leonard's snow blower thanks to his son. That really helped. Then Wayne across the alley filled up the area I'd cleared with snow and I got stuck again. Chewed him out over it I did and when I got back from the matinee he'd cleared it up. I made up a potion of medicinal herbs last night before bed and it really cut a lot of the pain for me. Ok, gotta go back to work again... ~sigh~ How in hell do normals face this every day? I guess their jobs don't suck as bad maybe. Or maybe their lives dont...

breakdown

02:58 2/6/2005

I am very unhappy. I'm in miserable pain. I feel like I never get a day to relax. It snowed yet more again while I slept. Everything I shovelled yesterday I have to shovel again plus I still have to clear the neighbor's walk and car and go tend their house. I have to drive to the theatre and do major mopping, again hard on my back. I'm going to be so hurting this week. ~sigh~ I am not happy to be alive today.

man, what a blizzard that was!

15:03 2/5/2005

Having help with the paper route was a treat today. Took my neighbor Ken who has agreed to learn the route so he can take over when I need it. Even so it was exhausting. Such deep snow to trudge through. At least the car didn't get stuck till it got home. Got stuck in the back alley and I had to shovel snow out from under the wheels and a path of about 10ft cleared in front of it to give it some running room.

Paco Pete (petey parrot) is feeling a lot more calm today. He's eating and drinking and sitting relaxed sometimes. I made him a hidey box but he's not using it yet. He's still wondering what it is. It's just a small box my ebookman was mailed in. I filled it with shredded paper and cut a nice hole for him to crawl through. Once he gets over being scared he'll delight in it I'm sure. Crawl on it and in it and chew on it and dig around in the paper. He's so cute. I like him even though he's not friendly yet. He doesn't have any ear-splitting noises either, that's lovely.

Snow Fall

03:20 2/5/2005

3am and the world is asleep. I wake to drifts of cold white and the air filled with swirls of more. I have to shovel a path for my dog to poop and she can't wait and poops on the walk behind me as the snow sifts down like baker's flour on our heads. I worry, will my car be able to shove it's way through 4 streets of sleepign houses so I might complete my menial task of delivering day-old overpriced news?

Petey Arrives

11:32 2/4/2005

Well other than a lost drunk offering to give me sex if I'll ride him across town on my bicycle it's been quiet on the paper route.

I did a stupid thing this week. Here I am with barely $400 left on my credit card for credit and delivering papers to make ends meet and I go and buy a fucking parrot for $250 and spend a hundred bucks on accessories and food for him. I only called the breeder to find out prices but next thing you know she's got this one bird she can let go for lots less than usual. Way lots less. That's a rock bottom price! She says he's cheap only because he's older. She mistook him for a hen at first and kept him and then since he wasn't a baby anymore didn't sell him, just kept him around and was going to get him a mate. She says he spent the last year lonely in her aviary getting very little attention.

I'm starting to wonder about that. He seems far too nervous for a bird who's merely been ignored. I finally have him nibbling things here. He's been in shock. He's missing the end of one toe too, looks amputated. She never mentioned that. I wonder if she sold me a bird who'd been returned after a bad experience. He's not been badly abused but I get the strong impression from him that he has been treated unkindly.

Well oh well, that's ok, I am the right person for that. I can be pretty gentle and patient and I"m sure i"ll bring the little goober around. She said he'd been named Paco so I'm calling him Paco Pete.

Paco Pete is a 3 year old male senegal parrot. He has a slate grey head and yellow eyes and a black beak. His back and wings are leafy parroty green and his tail is greenish black. On his belly he has a deep point of green over golden belly. The belly starts with a blush of orange fading into luscious golden yellow under his wings and towards his tail. Around the tops of his legs are green feathers. he's quite pretty. His toes are fleshy pink in color with black nails. He's about the size of a blue jay, not a large parrot.

Senegals can learn to use human words in context although they can't acquire a famous vocabulary. They can learn snippets of song or whistling or other bird calls too. They don't make excessively loud squawks, being quieter than even cockatiels. He's been doing some of his "YIKES" noises and they're pretty easy on the ears especially compared to regular parrots.

The TV seems to be helping him calm down. I sure like him. I think he's pretty and cute and I'm very hopeful that he'll become a groovy pet. From what I've read these guys are pretty engaging and clever.

stress on the route

07:49 2/1/2005

Yet another suspicious character on my paper route!!! I have taken to going out with my bike and clipboard and papers. The bike is over 30 years old. So I'm toddling along from house to house and I see him. Older wreck of a man shambling along in that familiar burn-out gait. He's not moving very quick but it's the middle of the night and he sure doesn't look like he can afford to live here if he can afford to live anywhere. Frankly it's quite reasonable to assume he's up to no good. Sure he's probably on his way from one point to another and taking this neighborhood as a alternate route. For variety? Maybe. Or he's hunting. So I see him and he ignores me and I think, good, ok, I'm not interesting with my old bike delivering papers. Or... My next house is hidden in dark spruces. As I approach it I see the guy appear to be coming back in my direction. I can't tell for sure because it's dark and I don't have my glasses. I go in and park the bike and put the paper in the box peering through the foliage wondering where he is. He's coming up the walk of the house next door! He's come back 4 yards towards me. I get on the bike and boogy on out of there thankful that the road is a patch clear so I can get going. I spend the rest of the route, thankfully only one street, watching over my shoulder, peering around corners and looking intently down the street to see if he's deduced where I am and what I'm doing. I'd only just convinced myself to relax and not be so damn worried all the time. That the events had been abnormal. I guess not. If this keeps up I may have to quit the route. I don't know if I can deliver papers surrounded by threats. I will have to try and adjust and convince myself that I can handle them if they harass me but realistically it's a bad time of night for it. Dark, solitary and I'm a small woman. I can't see putting myself at constant risk but I do very desperately need to try and keep at it. I need the money that bad.