March 2005

nightmare

05:28 3/8/2005

Paper route continues. These days it's a treacherous affair with the ice from thawing all day and tonight laying hidden under snow. I'll be glad when the thaw is finished!

Had an armageddon dream last night. Those things always leave me feeling crappy when I wake up. First I dreamt I was with Dan at home. He was threatening me with a giant bobcat snow blower dealy. I don't know why, he was mad at me maybe or maybe just playing power trip head games. Then I came inside and he was there and I was praising him for having kept the place clean and disaster-free while I was away for a month. I played with a wild rodent thing, part hamster, part chipmunk, like a hamster that climbs trees. It could talk and we shared names. It was very happy with my garden and how it's sheltered from cats and I assured it that it was welcome to live there. That I would be a friend and that I'd keep working to keep the cats out. Then next thing I know the dream shifts again, as dreams do. Now I'm helping my friend valerie to admit into hospital. She's much tinier in the dream and quite childish, although she isn't that way in life and I don't think the dream was about me thinking her immature. Possibly just my protective feelings towards her coming out. She kept disappearing. I went ahead and brought her things to her room and set it up and she reappeared a while on the bed. That's when Armageddon startd. I looked out the window to see the sky filled with organized patterns of the lights from planes. All manner of planes in tidy squadrons filling the sky without a gap from horizon to horizon, flying east and a little south. Small single engine craft, experimental jets, military jets, jumbo jets, personal lear jets, helicopters, anything and everything that can fly on it's own power up there droning and rummbling and humming and roaring overhead, lights blinking. I looked down and the river was filled with jet boats, power boats, race boats, weird experimental boats, army boats, anything that had a motor and floated all racing downriver, to the north, at breakneck speed. Then I saw giant robots coming up from the river bank towards the hospital. we were on the 5th floor but the robots' heads were level with the window. Now I freaked and ran for our room on the 7th floor where Dan and Sarah (my fiancee and my dog) were lodged. I showed Dan the activity outside and we discussed that it was the armageddon. The war to end all life. The end of life as we know it. He was for going straight home and I kept saying we were safer in a hospital than as 2 nobodies in a little house. That by now looters were on the go and theives and rapists and all manner of icky people would be busting into private homes in the next few days but that the hospital as a large institution caring for the very ill was going to be safe from them. I felt concern and loss for my new rodent friend and regretted that I couldn't protect him from all this but I was glad to have my dog along. I wondered how I was going to get her a place where she could poop since we couldn't go outside. Then the radio alarm went off and woke me from this dream.

I grew up in a time of Cold War. All my life the country south of me has been ruled by warmongers. People have been stirred to fear of attacks although no real attacks have ever actually been launched at this continent. All my childhood we talked about the nuclear holocaust, a war involving all the world, a war with weapons so terrible that no life would survive. As a result I occassionally dream of just that. The whole city in flames, or total blackouts, or soldiers marching. Sometimes the nightmare is vivid enough to set me all off-center in my mood when I wake up. The thing here that was different is I wasn't alone in the dream. I was a married woman, I had a friend around. I've never had anyone but my dog in previous armageddon dreams. I will say the sight of all that machinery on the move was a pretty nifty scene. Probably taken from the movie Sky Captain And The World Of Tomorrow but modified to custom.

Goodbye Chris

11:42 3/7/2005 An online friend has died. I am very aggrieved to lose him to my world. Grief is not a burden to be eased but to be borne. In time we grow strong enough that the weight of it is no longer a burden.

scooter girl to the rescue

Boy oh boy don't I just have the adventures out here on the night time streets? So there I am riding my moped home by back streets trying to pretend I'm invisible to cops and wondering who I'll get to help me get the thing up to snuff for a road test so I can be out there legitimately. I smell smoke. Now that's not so unusual, lots of people have fire pits and enjoy sitting around them. However our city has also been plagued by a firebug or two or three lately so I'm giving it a good sniff and analyzing it. Definitely not wood smoke, this has chemical stuff in it. Not good. I start watching for firelight and boy do I see it! A conflagration behind a garage with flames as high as the garage! I scan for a house with a light on inside and run to it hammering on the door and leaning on the bell till I hear a stir. Well she looks out to see who's making a fuss and right behind me is the fire clear as you please, because there's a park between her and the alley in which it's burning. So she's on the phone to 911 even as I'm shouting to her to call fire department. So soon as I'm sure it's done I race off on my moped to find the front of the house involved and I wake up the sleeping occupants and their big barky dogs and tell them of it. Then finally I go round to see how it's going. The fire is dying down and hasn't set the garage up but one of the backyard bins is completely melted to the ground. Certainly it could have set the garage on fire but luck was on their side and it didn't. I wait around and she comes out the back and that's when the fire trucks arrive and put it out. I give her my leftover paper from the route and after explaining to the fire guys it was me who spotted it and realizing they're not going to be taking names and stuff I pedal off on the moped. One fire fighter was grinning at my little machine, he got a kick out of it for sure. Adventure! Boy were my legs ever shaking driving from calling it in to the front of the house to wake them up. I still didn't know how bad it was or what it was, but the flames were big still and my feet were just flapping on the pedals with the shaking of my legs and knees, LOL. WHoooo! Saskatoon oughtta reinstate the winterfest bonfire, I think the fire element is a bit displeased at the lack of festivities he gets.