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Tuesday, October 28, 2008
speaker's circle
I was at a screening for a film about one of the many indian issues in
our city. It was followed by a long dialog with the audience and a
selected panel. One thing kept coming up, that people felt like they
weren't being given a place to tell their stories. Really there's never
enough places for it, and mostly we should be able to express ourselves
to our families and be heard. Those who can turn to their families and
be heard and supported usually felt heard, whereas those who can't don't
feel heard even if they're broadcast to the nation! However, the more
our institutions encourage and acknowledge the importance of speaking
out, the more of us will feel empowered.
So I got to thinking. How to
provide a speaker's box? Internet? Regular meetings? Both are
exclusionary. Lots of people don't feel welcome to walk in the door and
so many still cannot get online. If they could, they'd already be
speaking their stories. After all, isn't that what this blog is? Isn't
that the main theme of the internet for so many? So I continued to chew.
Then I had an image. What if there was a sanctioned ranting station? A
place where even offensive things were tolerated? A place where everyone
could speak up?
We can't put censors on this space though. If someone
spouts offensive crap, then someone else can call them on it, but nobody
can assault them or drag them off or force them to shut up. Even if it
is criminal, inciting hatred of others, racism, etc. Because nothing
less that complete tolerance will empower those who feel the least
worthwhile to be heard. Oh the speakers may have to face a lot of
shouting and ridicule I suppose. How do they do it in hyde park? I think
I need to do a bit of research. I want to present this to City Council,
but I'd like to present them with a workable idea, not just the germ of
one.
I spoke with the Police chief and some of the indian elders and
they all agreed the idea was worthwhile. I do see that there's some
bugs, but it's working in Regina I heard, and it works in London, so I
guess the next stage is to figure out how they're making it work.
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
autumn update (and reference to the burqua experiment)
I've been scootering all late summer and early fall. Scooter season is fast waning now, it's just too cold to be any fun. Not fun when you have to layer up like winter just to ride. I might go today as it's pretty nice out this week.
I fell off my scooter when we were taking a safety course one saturday about 4 wks ago. I got frustrated and angry and did a stupid thing and hurt myself and my scooter. Minor injuries to both though. I'm still healing my banged-up knee. I said the other day to Dan "geeze, how long is it going to take for this to heal?" He replied "It might never heal." Yipes. Too true. I'm at that age when injuries can linger forever.
Speaking of, an ancient wrist break my mother got as a young girl is now, in her 70s, acting up and causing nerve malfunctions in her arm and hand. Whoa! That's pretty shocking to know. Healed all those years ago, yet able to cause problems again!
We adopted yet another pet. See, the previous owner of this 6 yr old toy mixed-breed posted on a pet list that she just wasn't able to continue providing properly for her. She wasnt getting th ecare and attention she deserved. Something in me reached out and I spoke with Dan and he had the same response. For some reason this dog had to come here. Perhaps she'll enrich our dear sarah's life. Sarah is an antisocial dog but coudl really benefit from a friend. This new dog was used to multiple dogs and cats, so well suited to coping with a dog who has no social skills.
We did adopt her. It's clear she hasn't been groomed right or other basic care. She's afraid when I comb or clean her ears, for instance, although properly done these tasks don't hurt. Her relief when I'm done and there's no pain is obvious. Her ears need to be combed twice a day and she's been clipped short all over, only a couple inches long left on ears and tail. So she'll need extensive daily grooming as it grows out. I'm already planning the clips I'll do to fancy her up as it grows. Hehehe
We've getting a line of credit account/mortgage on our house. It's worth 80% of the property value and we'll be moving our other debts onto it then using the remainder to add on to the house. We figure we'll wait a year and try to pay it down a bit, or see if we're responsible, before racking it even higher.
We incorporated the business. Supposedly this will simplify taxes in the long run and cost us less. I still haven't learned what to do next but I'm letting it slide awhile since it's not urgent and I"m awfully busy with other things.
The burqua experiment has stalled as it might have done. It's a tough one. I'm just too nervous to do it, I have to dress in a long skirt and the outfit is not conducive to activity of most kinds, and there's nobody to come along and lend me courage. So I just don't do it. I wore it one night to Sunday potluck and drumming. It's a meeting of hippy type people every sunday. they all thought it was pretty interesting and quite lovely. I found myself unbearably nervous and self conscious. I even got so wired I hid under the burqua and cried awhile! Not because of anything anyone did, but just self awareness of how weird I felt and looked. I'm more secure in full Punk regalia, or hippy dippy clothes, or even full evening wear on a summer afternoon. This costume, however, really promotes introversion. It says "hide, it's okay, you can hide yourself." In fact, hiding yourself is the whole point. I found it brought that aspect of my character out big-time but in this culture, it takes a lot of extroversion to walk around that obvious and loud. So I haven't really gone ahead.
Our health is good. Our income continues decent, although the last couple months were a bit slim and stressful.
Winter is making it's approach. The trees are bare, the downed leaves brown and shrunken and wet, and frost has taken all but the hardiest plants from the yard. We freeze overnight and in the day it's cool fall weather, often wet and/or windy. Today is lovely sunshine, so that's good. I'll take the two dogs for a walk downtown to run an errand and help improve on training the new dog, Indigo. Indy hasn't much education at all. She needs a lot of training. How to walk politely, how to obey commands cleanly, who's in charge, and what's polite vs rude. She's a nice dog and hasn't any real behaviour issues, she's just a bit ignorant and spoiled from being the harmless little dog in a bustling pack of kids and dogs. I'm taking a strong approach with her so as to ensure she understands I'm the alpha in this pack, indisputable, strong, and trustworthy. Dogs really do like that. So long as you're not brutal or mean about it, and pepper the teaching with as much praise as you can find, they thrive. She's doing better every day.
Okay, time to get dressed and go. Hope you all have a lovely autumn!
Saturday, October 11, 2008
politics
I just got a recorded message phone call. The retiring incumbent
conservative, Carol Skelton's voice on my answering machine. She was
very popular and there was no point in voting. Now, however, she's
being replaced by a very young woman and the NDP candidate stands a
chance. I've always wanted the NDP in power. I agree with the general
values and the leaders have always seemed to be men of integrity.
So this recording plays out and tells me we *need* to vote for the
conservative candidate. Not that we should because of what she and her
party will do for us. No, because we have to block the liberals and NDP
because they're planning to spend all the money. Since when was a
campaign solely based on what the other guys might or might not do,
instead of what the candidate him or herself will do? Furthermore, last
time I checked every deficit government has been conservative, every
balanced budget has been liberal. Not that I'm a close follower but
I've noticed that general trend!
I'm so disgusted. I really am. I hope my fellow citizens see what i
see, the sheer gall of these people to base their campaign on being less
evil than the other guys.
Wednesday, October 01, 2008
regrets
You know, I think I've lost track of my age. I could have sworn I was turning 44 this year but if I count back, it's 45. So I guess I'm 45. I don't know what it is about 45 but somehow it seems a significant age. Is there something special about the number? 45rpm records? Half of 90 so clearly middle aged? I really don't know, but it's a thinking point in life. I was at a movie where one of the leads is doing a lot of looking back at the choices made. It's clear some of them were regrettable, and others were not but she did regret them, and still she would not have given up the results of the choices she regrets.
That got me thinking about the same sorts of things in my own life. It's one of the things we folks do around this age. Later on, in our 60s, I think we stop doing that because we already got it done and accepted and sorted and settled. So I'm nearing my 45th birthday and doing the rumination on how my life went.
I can't say I screwed up my choices because, frankly, I don't think I had a lot of choices and when I did, I truly believe I chose with all my heart. I always deliberated well and slept on my decisions. So then one things about might-have-beens and what if scenarios. What if, for instance, I'd had this opportunity or that opportunity, or didn't have some handicap or drawback. Who would I be?
You can get depressed pretty fast doing that. Start living someone else's life instead of your own, and comparing your own as a lesser experience. Before long you aren't appreciating what you have, you're regretting what you think you should have and don't. So here I am. I've lived a fascinating life! I'm taking what looks on paper to be a boring interlude, but in reality is the busiest and most exciting period yet. I've travelled. Not far, but intensely. I've met many people of almost every walk of life. I don't believe I've made the acquaintance of any royals outside my own mother's family, none of whom are acknowleged royals, though we have a royal tryst in our ancestry. Chamber maid sullied by a king, and all that historical stuff.
I've met wealthy people and destitute people. I've lived well and I've lived poor. I've enjoyed luxuries, and I've slept on public benches. I've hitched, hopped freight, driven, walked, biked, bussed and sailed. So many lovely things I've done. I've tried a delightful manner of narcotic pleasures, enjoyed a delightful array of lovers, and sampled foods of every culture. I've known what it is to be utterly poor and happy anyway. I've known every passion a human mind can express. I've examined them in detail within myself and explored the depth of my passions.
So to then say if I'd had this, or done that, or been otherwise, would that be fair? Would it make sense to regret the poverty of my life if it means relinquishing my wealth? I've been sad, but I've also been happy. Isn't that just normal? One woman has her sorrows in her children's tears, another by her husband's grave, yet another in her quiet moments of reflection. We all have had sorrows. What matters is how much joy we've gathered. I've gathered so very much joy and there's so much more yet to harvest. Isn't that the relevant point? From sparrow's wings backlit by morning sun, to the moonlight on frosted baby's breath in your garden, or the aurora lighting a lover's face. Whether it's glittering with diamond and gold or morning dew, is it not all worth gazing at and noticing? You see, that is the ultimate secret to life. It's not counting your blessings, it's finding them. It's not about how your life looks, it's how you look at your life. You don't have to change the world, it changes you. Learn to see the little things that sparkle, and you can accept the sorrow as part of the artwork. Sorrow is to joy as a frame is to a picture. Without the shadows, we would not see the light.
Oh I'm sorry. It's late, I'm becoming awfully cliched. But come on, admit it, you love a good string of cliches, don't you? :-)
