December 2006

wallowing song

I quit the email list today. After a week of being upset I could see nobody cared and my presence wasn't missed. I just kept getting more upset with each letter I did read. They praised the poison post as "brave" and dismissed me as being resilient enough that my pain wasn't a concern.
Not a concern indeed.
I think the song Missing by Evanescence does a nice job of expressing how I feel about it all.

Evanescence, Missing, click arrow to play song.

Execution

Saddam is dead. I saw it, I believe it.
I am embedding the video at the end of this post so you can see it too. I don't think that this video will get pulled off youtube.
I was disappointed with the official video because it doesn't show the man dying. I wanted to know this wasn't a staged execution with a last minute rescue! I didn't want to cope with the repercussions of "saddam lives" rumours that would erupt if we didn't see him dying, actually dead. Even the corpse video wasn't enough because you can always play dead to get spirited away.
I never really cared about Saddam, whether he lived or died, and never agreed with the war on him. He's but one of far too many men like him who hold a country in thrall with fear and cruelty. We can't and don't go after them all, so why go after this one in particular? I figured he did something to piss off the Saudis who, I believe, have more world power than they admit. For the Americans and like minded he was a scapegoat. Rather like going out and killing the first wolf you can find after your cattle are attacked. Doesn't matter whether he's got anything to do with the problem, it feels satisfying. Being turned into such a figurehead has made it very important that the execution go through now. All in all, he became very important to a lot of people.
So there I am watching, cold and impassive, when suddenly I notice, for the first time this morning, I feel sorry for the guy! I don't have any reason to, I mean, I think he has done well, had a fantastic life till the end and the end came fast and famous. Beats dying slowly of cancer, doesnt' it? Big dramatic exit and all that. I think I just felt the usual compassion for another creature dying, rather than anything directly towards that person. It is good that I felt that. It keeps me grounded.
See, it's one thing how you feel towards another person but if you can't reach that single empathic moment within where you care about anyone in a moment of suffering, then what? What then are you? Psychotic? Dead? It's that core of empathy and compassion that informs me that I am worthy. Of what? Heaven? Compassion? A place in my society? I don't know of what, but at least of self respect.
Even for this mass murdering tyrant on the event of his execution as legally ordered by a court of law in his own country, here too I felt compassion. It's what I would want.
Watch, if these things don't overwhelm you, and see if there is a moment, looking at this dying man's face, where you feel sorry for him, for the part of him that never really wanted this role, never really thought it was evil, for that seed of innocence within all of us, wherein we're a dumb beast that doesnt know better. Then after you find it, go ahead and soothe it realizing he did know better, should have done better, and didn't really suffer a bit in his life.
I mean, lets face it, most of his life the man slept in the finest castles, dined on the finest food, and had the best of concubines for his pleasure. Two years in prison (and likely well cared for) don't away from a lifetime of being top of the heap! Nevermind deserving or not, the man did just fine and nothing wrong with it ending before he got sick and old.