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Sunday, December 30, 2007
middle of the night
I hate when I can't get comfortable at night. I'm very tired and sleepy
but not one single position will let me rest. I really don't know why.
My legs won't relax. Is this restless leg syndrome? LOL. I don't
think so. They're twitching, just stiff. I got up and stretched, that
was tough and didn't seem to help much. After I sit a bit I'll stretch
again, maybe it'll do. I'm just stiff all over. Muscles tight and hard
and uncomfortable.
I smell wrong too. I can't think what I must have eaten that had lard
in it, but that's the smell coming off my pores. Like I've had pig
meat. Nasty damn stink. I really haven't anything profound to say
tonight. ~yawn~ Just wish I could sleep.
I think I have Dan convinced to do New Year's on the town. A great
option opened up to go spend it at the Bassment. That ought to be a
peaceful and mature event we can enjoy, so long as the music isn't too
awful. The rabbit Lucky is fully himself, spraying and shitting all
over the floor by the litter and Freddy's cage where everybun has messed
at some point and all of them mess regularily now that there's this
unaltered male in the house. Toby picks a fight any time we
accidentally forget to create a barrier between them. Lucky's even got
a little scab on his shoulder I found while petting him. He's a very
cuddly little guy, letting me snuggle him on the couch and doing
instaflops when you stroke him on the floor. He likes to circle us and
walk on our feet and push up against our legs for contact. Dan has
trouble with that. He thinks like a human, and gets annoyed at being
tripped up. He doesn't realize that the rabbit doesn't understand what
he's doing. To the rabbit you've got nothing more to do than to just
be, like him, and getting in front of you is a pleasant invitation to
play and cuddle! He doesn't understand that you've got important things
on your agenda and are hurrying from here to there to accomplish them!
I'm booked for a painting job in a week. I'll have to start getting up
earlier so I can be on the job at a decent hour, though I told him I
would rather work from 11am till 9pm than 9am to 7pm or something worse.
I have so much to do in the mornings when I get up that I'd have to get
up at this hour of the morning to be on a job by 7 or 8 am. I'm the
housewife, you know? My housework needs doing whether I've got an
outside job or not. Not to mention I need that time to wake up in the
morning. I'm looking forward to the painting even though the job is
zero challenge, being fresh drywall in an office with no trim or doors
whatsoever. I should be able to fly pretty fast through it. If I can,
I might be able to get it done in 3 days, more likely 4, and collect
$700 for my trouble. I only hope I've got enough energy that week, my
energy levels can be so variable!
Dan's ability to think of me outside of his head seems pretty stifled.
I went to a lot of trouble to clearly show him a variety of affordable
gifts he could give me and still he came back with only one of them, and
a lot of more or less useless crap. The body washes were useable but
not gift nice, more like the sort of cheap thing you get as obligation,
cheap enough I would just buy them if I wanted them, you know? In a
mall full of specialty cosmetic shops he got me drugstore house brands.
However, Dan probably hasn't got a clue about the difference, so that's
ok. What ticked me off though was that fully half the presents he got
because he wanted them. He gets me a godawful exercise gadget he'd been
eyeballing off and on since last spring. Stupid wheel that gives a
variant of a push up. Why the fuck would I want that? I don't do
pushups at home. I've told him repeatedly that stuff bores me! He gave
me a key chain camera. I'd bought one for Hans and he thought it was
neat and wanted one to play with. HE WANTED. We both have cameras on
our cell phones and we've got a nice digital camera that takes high res
and uses memory cards. What the fuck do we do with a keychain camera???
He got me a disk of old arcade games. The kind I hate bitterly and
always tell him I hate. He thought they'd be fun to play. As I opened
presents he made comments like "I like that, it's neat." and "I really
wanted to play with that."
I don't know what to do with him. I don't want to tell him how I'm
feeling because I'm so angry and it's so ingracious, but I also want him
to know how insulting it is. Yet maybe he's stuck in there, incapable
of the level of consideration I desire. If so, well then it's kinda
pointless to put the onus on him. I just wanted some little presents to
open, and in my experience it's not that hard to think about the person
you're getting them for and remember what they like. He doesn't seem
capable of that though. He can't think of me as a separate person with
different likes and dislikes. He seems to think his own self is the
example of what it's like to be anyone. Intellectually he realizes that
isn't so, but at the deeper level of awareness he still can't
internalize that knowlege as truth or use it to think outside his own
box. I wonder, is this from alcoholism, or is he autistic, or is it
manly boneheadedness?
Whatever it is, I need to find another solution I guess. Another way to
cope with the desire for christmas surprises. Probably have to give up
on that one realistically. I've tried giving him lists and I've tried
taking him from store to store and pointing at things. I've told him
straight up what I like, don't like, want, and even don't want, and he
just goes out and does whatever he does mindlessly ignoring all the
information he's been given. He wouldn't even know my favorite color if
I didn't plaster it all over the place and wear it loud and bright. If
you asked him what was my favorite food or dessert he wouldn't be able
to tel you. There's more but I'm going into regions of complaint
inappropriate for a publicly accessible blog on the net.
I won't toss this marriage over these things. There's lots of good
reasons to be with him and no good reasons to leave him. I'm just
complaining in the hopes that I can sort out the problem and think of a
solution or a workaround. It perplexes me. I'm the one supposed to be
mind-blind but he's so blind and thick headed it boggles me. I really
can't understand how he could be so obtuse. Must be how people feel
when I'm blundering about socially.
Ok, I'm going to stretch out my legs again and see if I can get them to
relax enough for sleep.
Monday, December 10, 2007
New bun
I really don't write often enough!
Put up our trees today. Yes,
plural, trees. The largest is about 30" high maybe. It has fiber optics
woven into the branches and they change color thorugh the spectrum by a
color wheel in the base. The next is a 24" tinsel tree in silver with
rainbow laser irridescence. Last is a little green silk tree only about
18" high. Round the two latter I've wound a couple small strands of LED
lights in multiple colours. The three are grouped on a small board with
a cloth of red with gold printed christmas patterns on it. Largest at
the back, smallest at the front. If I had more room I've got 3 more of
assorted heights I could have grouped too, that'd be fun. A whole little
forest. When we finally get an addition and have room for a full sized
tree I'll group these around it to give it a feel of nature.
The
trees are decorated with diminutive glass balls in scale with the trees
and small bird ornaments and assorted beaded things and too much tinsel.
Underneath are a variety of small wrapped boxes for fake presents. The
whole is quite lovely and spruces up the corner nicely without taking
over.
Sunday we rescued a little white rabbit. Poor guy was freezing.
He was starving too. I put some pictures of him into the rabbit picture
page off my gallery, just click on the gallery link in the menu frame or
off the main page, then bunnies, and scroll down. Also in there in the
news at the bottom is his story but I'll include a
link here for you to the story.
